Laugh. Live. Enjoy.

It’s been a trying summer.

Scratch that.

It’s been a trying year (thus far).

Three colds + bad allergies + injured leg + getting laid off from work + getting new job + graduate school + part time job stuff + Lucky’s lymphoma = climbing anxiety levels for me.

I don’t like talking about my history of depression and anxiety online. It’s a part of myself I share freely in person (and I’m sure my friends would sometimes like to bonk me over the head when I get wound up), but I don’t like talking about it here. At this point though, I have to write about it to get past it.

I’ve spent the last three weeks just trying to get through my days. Getting up. Going to work. Going to the gym. Eating healthy foods. Counting down the hours until I can crawl back into bed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

This is the worst bout of it I’ve experienced in three years.

I’m thankful that school is over for the summer and that husband is incredibly supportive and understanding. I’m thankful for friends who understand as well. I’m thankful I discovered the inane stupidity of The Office on Netflix. I’m thankful today’s weather was beautiful and has allowed me to sit on the patio.

Most of the things I had planned for this summer are being cut. I’m probably not going to take up kayaking again until next summer. We canceled our vacation to Seattle. My plans to build and launch an informational/training site for admins is being revised. My plan to write some long blog postings for my portfolio site hasn’t materialized. My plan to establish an S corp for my part time job work hasn’t happened yet either. I’m trying really hard not to beat myself up over these items. There are only so many hours in a day and for years I’ve trying to cram too much into them.

The summer isn’t over yet. I do plan to enjoy the nice days. Hang out with Lucky. Go to the pool. Go see some movies. Have brunch with my friends. Spend time with husband. Laugh. Live. Enjoy.

So…my blog posting about depression and anxiety isn’t and is about depression and anxiety. This post will probably make sense only to me and maybe a few other people who are close to me in real life.

That’s ok. I just need to breathe and remind myself of the good things in life. This too, shall pass.

Thanks for indulging me.

Watching the Sun Rise

It’s 6:40 AM here. I’ve been awake for two hours. I’ve been working on school for about half of that–someone had to walk the dog, make coffee, and install software on our netbook/TV combo for school. Who would have thought I’d be all adult like this on the weekend!?!

I’m so productive this morning because today I get to be a tourist in my own town. A family member is flying into town this morning and we’re going to do lots of eating, walking around Old Town and Georgetown, and will be taking a monument cruise. I’m super duper excited.

Ok. Back to school. Does anyone want to make a WBS for me?

Looking Forward

I’m starting to feel better. I stayed home from work yesterday and slept for most of the day. My body is starting to heal. As such, my thoughts are happier and I’m looking forward to the next couple of weeks/months. (Forgive me, it’s a list making kind of week.) Here’s why:

  1. We’re going to take a trip out west this summer to visit husband’s family for the first time in 10 years
  2. I can start whitewater kayaking again
  3. Sundresses
  4. I’ll have a break from school from late June until late August
  5. Summer is coming (I LOVE SUMMER)
  6. Sandals
  7. My family’s annual Cinco de Mayo party is coming up
  8. I can go for bike rides without freezing
  9. Patio sitting + beer drinking + friends = bliss

I’m sure there are a few other things, but these are the ones on my mind RIGHT NOW.

What are you looking forward to? Am I the only one in a late-winter/early spring funk?